Without boundaries

The way the Bible tells me to love is hard! 

I'm told to put others' needs before my own, to be patient, kind, to never give up or lose faith, to always hope, to love through every circumstance....no matter what.  I'm not to be jealous or proud or rude or to demand my own way.  Perhaps the most difficult of all, I'm not to keep a record of what others do to me or to the ones I love.
(from 1 Corinthians 13). 

It's hard enough to read that passage with those closest to me in mind. But then I read these words:

"You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that.  I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best - the sun to warm and the rain to nourish - to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that."
Matthew 5:44-47 (from The Message)


So I'm even supposed to love those who hurt me and are mean to me like that?: not keeping a list of what they've done, not exposing how mean they've been to me (even on Facebook!), never losing hope and faith for them, not secretly being happy when bad things happen to them?  That's a whole different challenge. 

When someone is blatantly mean or unfair to me or to someone I love, I'd rather get on the phone and talk about them than pray for them.  I at least want to tell about it on FB and not mention their name...just their sin. I want others to know that I was wronged and that they are BAD!

My friend Jen just described someone to me and said, "His love just has no boundaries".  As she said that I thought, "What boundaries does my love have?"  What line can someone cross that puts them out of range for my grace and unconditional love?  I have to be honest, love has boundaries in my heart.

Jesus' love certainly had NO boundaries.  Thank goodness because that means He loves me...and you....and the one who has hurt us and done us wrong. 

So I'm asking Him to give me grace to remove the boundaries of my love so that I can love like He does! 

"We love because he first loved us."  1 John 4:19

Allowed to Serve

A couple of weeks ago I came to the end of my rope!  Several things contributed, but the primary thing was trying so hard to figure out my Michael's needs.  We of course have on-going behavioral issues and are often changing up his meds. But added pressure has been from his platelets bouncing around and he had stopped eating and no one could figure out why.  When I forced him to eat, he would throw it all up.

I had spent the week contacting every doctor I could think of who might be able to figure this out.  We had done a swallow study and an upper GI test which all came out normal, and we had cleaned up puke all week and my house smelled terrible.  In addition, I couldn't help my boy feel better. 

We had just come from a therapy session in the pool (which is normally his favorite place on the planet) that had gone very badly!  I was embarrassed and frustrated and worn out and had a lot of questions for God that week.  I kept reminding Him of how much better we could all serve Him if He would just heal Michael or send answers that would settle things down.  I felt like I could get back to the important things if I could just get this stuff settled.

I sat on the stairs right below where Michael was sitting to put his brace on his foot.  I had his foot in my hand when I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to my heart, "One day, when you see things as they really are, you will thank me for allowing you to serve him."  I took his precious feet in my hands and kissed them and thanked God for choosing me to serve His special boy!  I'm so grateful He didn't give him to anyone else.

Perhaps God doesn't see a broken boy who is just lucky to have someone to take care of him.  Maybe, just maybe, He sees a giant spirit inside of a broken body that will not be broken one day!  For some reason I tend to think that a better investment of my time would be teaching or singing or doing something that makes an obvious big impact. 

What if, in God's eyes, cleaning up vomit, putting a brace on a crooked foot, holding a hurting or confused boy tight as he falls asleep, restraining him for hours when he's upset so he doesn't hurt himself, looking endlessly for what would bring him peace, and trying to put words to his thoughts and feelings is a higher call?  What if when I do that, it brings God more glory than I can imagine.  What if the change it makes in my spirit and heart cannot be measured?

"And the King will say, 'I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!'"  Matthew 25:40

"Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.  All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me (and my Michael) completely."  1 Corinthians 13:12

What a patient God I serve!  He pulled the veil back briefly and gave me a little clearer view for a split second.  And I am grateful.

What He Owes Me

I'm not sure where it comes from, but I've got this expectation planted way down in my heart that God is going to make me comfortable and fix all of my problems. If I'm really honest I don't only think He will but that He should!

I certainly don't get that from the Bible. He does promise to be with me and provide for me and care for me. But He says also that in this world you will have heartache and pain and will not be understand by the culture you are in. This world is simply not my home!

If I don't keep a close watch on my heart it will deceive me. If I'm not careful, and without even realizing it, I start to think that He owes me. He owes me because my life is hard...He owes me because I have been obedient....He owes me because I spoke to my neighbor yesterday about Him....because I'm better than most people around me....because I tithe...because......

When I get in that place, I have this image in my mind that I pull up. If you've never read the book The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom, you need to. If you've read it, read it again! Everytime I read it I get something new from it.

Corrie and her family were in Holland during the Holocaust and paid a high price for hiding Jewish people in their home. Her father lived a life of loving and caring for people. Before he hid Jews, he took in foster children. He was the patriarch of his quaint village in Holland. He was very respected and admired.

The image from that book that comes to my mind is when he died. After being arrested for saving Jews from concentration camps, he died sitting along in the corner of a hospital hallway and was buried in an unmarked grave.

I picture that and I remember that God owes me nothing more than that! Mr. Ten Boom's reward for a life of serving and sacrificing and loving God was not on this side of heaven.

All that we do is actually in response to what He already did for us. He gave more than I could ever give. He secured salvation and freedom and eternity for me. How could my heart ever cause me to be bitter towards or even disappointed with so great a Savior?

He owes me nothing...but gives me everything!

A not-so-unique call

A few years ago I came across this passage. Ironically (or maybe not so ironically) I was fasting on that day and honestly felt pretty good and holy about myself! I'm pretty sure God was putting His finger in my face (what a loving God to do that!).

From Isaiah 58:

"No, this is the kind of fasting I want: Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people.

Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help.Then your salvation will come like the dawn, and your wounds will quickly heal. Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.

Then when you call, the Lord will answer. ‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply. Remove the heavy yoke of oppression. Stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumors! Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble.

Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon. The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring."

I desperately want God to guide me, protect me, and heal me. I want to be like a well watered garden, I want my strength to be restored! But as I stared at my Bible that day, I realized that I was not lifting a finger to give shelter to the homeless or to feed the hungry. I was pretty sure that my church was doing that and I do give to the church. But I'm not sure that's what God meant, not ALL of what He meant anyway.

I'm afraid most of us would rather go to Africa or Haiti than to go across town and find ways to feed the poor or take care of orphans. We don't mind serving for one hour once a year somewhere, but we are BUSY!! Of course we should go when God calls us to serve poor countries. That is a unique call. Do we pause to ask if that's what He wants US to do?

We are ALL called to the poor among us, that is not a unique or special call. This is not something only to be done on a trip or once or twice a year.

My sister is a stay-at-home grandmother. She and her husband have worked hard to provide for their family and to have a nice home and a nice life. A few years ago they felt God calling them out of the calm and cozy to care for foster newborns waiting to be placed in homes. So they, sometimes for a few days and sometimes for a few months, give up sleep and freedom and peace and quiet to love, care for and pray for newborn babies. People often say to her, "Oh gosh, I could never do that. It would break my heart to let them go." Her response is, "It DOES break my heart. But God has asked me have a broken heart so that these babies can be safe and loved."

I had to close my Bible that day and ask God to forgive me. I had to ask Him to show me how to serve where I am.

The question for me and for all of us is....Can God ask me to give up comfort and an unbroken heart and maybe even what I consider to be safe to be His hands and feet on this earth? Can we let HIM show us the way instead of dreaming up what WE want to do and what is comfortable for us and what brings us attention and applause?

In Secret

Be careful when you chat online with someone who speaks truth and will hold your feet to the fire!!

Yesterday I was chatting online with my son, Brian. As we chatted I asked him if he had given anything up for Lent. He replied, "I can't tell you that, Mom. It's a secret. That's meant to be just between me and God." OUCH!

I thought about that throughout the evening and more this morning. And Brian is right! Jesus clearly says that we're meant to do 3 things in secret: give, pray and fast. I think we, as Christ followers, have lost sight of that.

Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get. But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.
We talk openly about how we serve and give, what we've sacrificed and given up, what we are fasting from and for how long, we even let the media publish our "good deeds" before men. Matthew 6:1-4

We serve the poor and post it all over Facebook. We do a good deed and call the media!

But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. Then no one will notice that you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you. verses 17-18

How many conversations have I had with people about what we've given up for Lent? How did I forget or misunderstand Christ's words?

I wonder how many blessings I've forfeited by making sure others knew about my praying and giving and fasting. I wonder how God feels about me plastering pictures of the poor all over the internet? Jesus said that when I do that and men think well of me for it, then that is my reward in full.

Thanks for this reminder and challenge, Brian! I want to be content in knowing that God sees. He rewards and that is enough!!!

I gotta start keeping better secrets!

Fire

My amazing husband who stays in the fire with me!!

This is what he wrote about his word:

" God is like “a refiner and purifier of silver,” He puts his hands on us and “will purify and refine like gold and silver.”

The Lord is a “consuming fire.”He says that we are created, and formed, and redeemed and called by name, that we belong to Him. That the river waters will not sweep over us, that the flames will not burn us.

Yet he leads us into the fire.The heat is intense, sometim...es unbearable. In the fire I trust that God will do His work, and like metal glowing red from the fire, my heart will burn with passion and love and relent under His hammer, as He shapes me after His design.

We call on His name, and He answers. He says of us, “They are my people,” and we say, “The Lord is our God.”

It's enough!

It's very humbling when God speaks to me through my own mouth!!

We've had a very strange week! Michael stopped being able to swallow solid food about 2 weeks ago. Fortunately he can still hold down liquids, including Ensure! We've done all kinds of tests this week at the hospital and seen more doctors than I can count to figure out what's going on and don't yet have an answer. At the same time, he keeps falling through the cracks on services he should be receiving for speech and behavioral issues, so I've been trying to figure that out as well.

Yesterday I felt like I was at a breaking point and kept saying all day, "Lord, You know the answers and solutions! Please bring the right people and services and doctors and....." Somewhere in my fragile human heart there was this whisper.."Is He going to be faithful in this? Will He show us the way? Is it really up to me to figure this out? Am I crazy to bank on Him to provide what Michael needs?"

I took Michael to his physical therapy in the pool (his favorite place to be on this earth...in water!), and there was a mom of a precious 3 year old with Downs there who I know casually. We got to sit and chat for a few minutes as her son finished his therapy session.

She is just beginning the world of school and therapy and services, etc and was talking about how anxious she is about finding the right things for him and making good decisions for him. She expressed how responsible she feels to find what he needs and make sure he has every advantage to progress that's possible!

Then right out of my own mouth I said, "You know, we need to do all we can do for our boys. We need to look for the right things and knock on all the doors we know to knock on. But at the end of the day, we need to know that God is big enough and good enough to provide for ALL of their needs, and ours. When we lay our heads on the pillow at night, we need to be able to say, 'What You provided for my son today must be what he needed. It's enough. I trust You!' If He's not that big, then we need out. At that point we'll have to find another God to serve."

Then the Holy Spirit knocked on my 'prone to wander' heart and said, "Did you just hear yourself? Do you believe that?"

I had to sit on that thought for the rest of the day. And last night, when my head rested on my pillow I answered. "Yes. I choose to believe that. I don't see the evidence of it tonight, but I believe that You are faithful and are providing what my son needs and are good and see all that we are going through and care. What you provided for him today must be what he needed."

"Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.' So I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."
2 Corinthains 12:8-9

I'm grateful for a Savior whose grace really is all I need, and who is strong and who can channel HIS strength through me when I am weak!

It's enough!

Angela