My church just finished a series called Insomnia: What Keeps You Up At Night.
I starting thinking about what robs me of sleep. For years it was the fact that I had a baby or a son with special needs. But today it is more often my own anxiety or fear that keeps me awake.
So what keeps you up at night? I know that my issues are all around my inability to truly trust God; to trust Him with the future, with my failures, with my children and husband, with all that I deeply care about. The crazy thing is that I have absolutely no right not to trust Him. I know from experience that He is faithful. I'm encouraged by this story about the Israelites:
1 Samuel 7:7-12 (New Living Translation)
When the Philistine rulers heard that Israel had gathered at Mizpah, they mobilized their army and advanced. The Israelites were badly frightened when they learned that the Philistines were approaching.
“Don’t stop pleading with the Lord our God to save us from the Philistines!” they begged Samuel.
So Samuel took a young lamb and offered it to the Lord as a whole burnt offering. He pleaded with the Lord to help Israel, and the Lord answered him. 10 Just as Samuel was sacrificing the burnt offering, the Philistines arrived to attack Israel. But the Lord spoke with a mighty voice of thunder from heaven that day, and the Philistines were thrown into such confusion that the Israelites defeated them.
The men of Israel chased them from Mizpah to a place below Beth-car, slaughtering them all along the way.
Samuel then took a large stone and placed it between the towns of Mizpah and Jeshanah. He named it Ebenezer (which means “the stone of help”), for he said, “Up to this point the Lord has helped us!”
You have probably been, and may even now be, in a situation where you too were badly frightened at what was approaching and you pleaded with the Lord to save you.
I have been there. And I can say, like Samuel did that day, that up to this point the Lord has helped me.
That gives me hope and courage for the future, even as the next unsettling thing approaches.
Sleep Well
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Be Extraordinary
Christine Caine is a dynamic young woman who has decided to make a difference in her world. God is using her all over the world to raise awareness about human trafficking and to be a part of rescuing women from hopeless lives of slavery. Her life is inspiring.
I heard her speak a couple of weeks ago and one thing she said has stayed with me. As people look to her to know how to make a difference themselves in the world, she says,
"Your burning bush will find you. You may be tending your father-in-law's sheep in the desert when it does! Be faithful where you are."
So many times we look for the extraordinary task. We dream about how God could use us and the huge difference we could make in the world. But so often what God is asking us to do is the task at hand. He asks us to be faithful where we are, to meet the needs of those who are right in front of us, to love hurting people among us, to be His hands and feet here and now.
Amazingly, the ordinary becomes extraordinary when we dare to love and serve where we are.
In Matthew 25 Jesus told a parable about a master who gave his servants tasks. Upon returning to see what they had done with the opportunity he had given them, the master had these words to say to 2 of the servants:
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!"
verse 21
When Michael was a baby I found myself feeling useless and lost. I was in France and always at home with a child with special needs. For 3 years we couldn't find a school for him, since they were all full. During that time, God taught me a lesson that I hope I never forget. In the midst of feeling useless and wishing God would provide a school for Michael so that I could serve Him and make a difference, He spoke to me. Basically what He whispered to my heart was, "Serve me by caring for and loving the little boy I have you with all day long. Do that with joy and thanksgiving."
What I realized is that we want to serve God, but we don't necessarily want Him to choose the task. True obedience is when we make ourselves available to Him and obey with our whole hearts! So often obedience doesn't look like we think it will. Usually it means doing the thing that is right in front of you!
I pray that we will be found faithful where we are with the task at hand, that we will not be blind to the needs around us as we look for bigger tasks.
May we be found faithful!
I heard her speak a couple of weeks ago and one thing she said has stayed with me. As people look to her to know how to make a difference themselves in the world, she says,
"Your burning bush will find you. You may be tending your father-in-law's sheep in the desert when it does! Be faithful where you are."
So many times we look for the extraordinary task. We dream about how God could use us and the huge difference we could make in the world. But so often what God is asking us to do is the task at hand. He asks us to be faithful where we are, to meet the needs of those who are right in front of us, to love hurting people among us, to be His hands and feet here and now.
Amazingly, the ordinary becomes extraordinary when we dare to love and serve where we are.
In Matthew 25 Jesus told a parable about a master who gave his servants tasks. Upon returning to see what they had done with the opportunity he had given them, the master had these words to say to 2 of the servants:
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!"
verse 21
When Michael was a baby I found myself feeling useless and lost. I was in France and always at home with a child with special needs. For 3 years we couldn't find a school for him, since they were all full. During that time, God taught me a lesson that I hope I never forget. In the midst of feeling useless and wishing God would provide a school for Michael so that I could serve Him and make a difference, He spoke to me. Basically what He whispered to my heart was, "Serve me by caring for and loving the little boy I have you with all day long. Do that with joy and thanksgiving."
What I realized is that we want to serve God, but we don't necessarily want Him to choose the task. True obedience is when we make ourselves available to Him and obey with our whole hearts! So often obedience doesn't look like we think it will. Usually it means doing the thing that is right in front of you!
I pray that we will be found faithful where we are with the task at hand, that we will not be blind to the needs around us as we look for bigger tasks.
May we be found faithful!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Runner
Well it finally happened; one of my children was brought home in a police car! And wearing a speedo, no less....a speedo that was too small!!
Jim and I began our lives as the parents of a child with special needs without a clue as to what that was going to mean for our lives. Like so many others before us, we have done the best we could from day and day and tried to put up safeguards as we've made mistakes and learned.
We've found Michael sitting in the kitchen covered from head to toe with white flour in a very white kitchen, empty bag in hand. Another time it was with an empty bag of powdered chocolate in a very brown kitchen. My friend, Kim, was with me and she quietly put her hand on my shoulder and said, "This will be funny one day."
We met most of our neighbors in Paris as each one of them found Michael in their house and brought him home....oops, talk about a "faux pas".
Through the years we've found him; on the roof of the house, sitting in the toilet splashing around like it was a wade pool, in a swimming pool during a lightening storm, hanging (literally hanging) outside of our 2nd floor window, with a flat razor blade in his mouth, well, you get the picture.
Michael is what the therpists call, a "runner". Given the chance he will head out the door and down the street without looking back. We've put deadbolts that lock with a key on every door in the house. Unfortunately I forgot to lock it when I got home on Monday night. Michael was in the room next to us and kept running in and out of our room, and then he was gone. By the time I called 911, the police had already been called by someone who found him wandering around the park (just 2 blocks from our house, but across a busy street).
So, up pulls a police car with my son in the backseat. He was actually enjoying the ride and didn't seem distressed at all to have been picked up by the police. That is, not until they opened the door and he saw me. Then he let out a groan that told us all that he was not happy to see me. He doesn't talk, but I can usually tell what he's trying to communicate. This groan was, "How do they always find HER?" The policemen were very gracious and kind, by the way.
Once we got him inside and got our heart rates down, I tried to explain to him that at 15 he probably shouldn't run around the neighborhood in a speedo. I'm not sure he gets it!
So what do you do but learn a lesson one more time, thank God for protecting him once again, and move on to the next thing!
Our precious boy keeps us on our toes, catches us off balance from time to time, and reminds us to roll with the punches!!
Hope you're week has been less eventful than mine!!
Jim and I began our lives as the parents of a child with special needs without a clue as to what that was going to mean for our lives. Like so many others before us, we have done the best we could from day and day and tried to put up safeguards as we've made mistakes and learned.
We've found Michael sitting in the kitchen covered from head to toe with white flour in a very white kitchen, empty bag in hand. Another time it was with an empty bag of powdered chocolate in a very brown kitchen. My friend, Kim, was with me and she quietly put her hand on my shoulder and said, "This will be funny one day."
We met most of our neighbors in Paris as each one of them found Michael in their house and brought him home....oops, talk about a "faux pas".
Through the years we've found him; on the roof of the house, sitting in the toilet splashing around like it was a wade pool, in a swimming pool during a lightening storm, hanging (literally hanging) outside of our 2nd floor window, with a flat razor blade in his mouth, well, you get the picture.
Michael is what the therpists call, a "runner". Given the chance he will head out the door and down the street without looking back. We've put deadbolts that lock with a key on every door in the house. Unfortunately I forgot to lock it when I got home on Monday night. Michael was in the room next to us and kept running in and out of our room, and then he was gone. By the time I called 911, the police had already been called by someone who found him wandering around the park (just 2 blocks from our house, but across a busy street).
So, up pulls a police car with my son in the backseat. He was actually enjoying the ride and didn't seem distressed at all to have been picked up by the police. That is, not until they opened the door and he saw me. Then he let out a groan that told us all that he was not happy to see me. He doesn't talk, but I can usually tell what he's trying to communicate. This groan was, "How do they always find HER?" The policemen were very gracious and kind, by the way.
Once we got him inside and got our heart rates down, I tried to explain to him that at 15 he probably shouldn't run around the neighborhood in a speedo. I'm not sure he gets it!
So what do you do but learn a lesson one more time, thank God for protecting him once again, and move on to the next thing!
Our precious boy keeps us on our toes, catches us off balance from time to time, and reminds us to roll with the punches!!
Hope you're week has been less eventful than mine!!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Anxiety
When my children were pre-schoolers, I had them all in the van one day and my 4 year old said from the back of the van, "Mommy, does the Bible say not to worry?" I told her that it did, feeling very spiritual as I quoted: "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
Then she said, "So does that mean that worrying is a sin?" That's when I stopped feeling so spiritual and realized that God had just used my 4 year old to point out my sin to me. I'm teaching a women's summer class and we're doing the book Respecatable Sins: Confronting the Sins we Tolerate. If you haven't read it, I strongly recommend it. But pull in your toes....he'll step all over them!
Today I'm reading about anxiety. Here I am, almost 20 years later, and I'm once again aware of my tendency to worry and my lack of trust in God to take care of me and the people I care about in every way.
God's timing is incredible. Michael is going through a very difficult time. Since school got out his behavioral issues have resurfaced and it seems that all of the progress he made this year has vanished. I have found myself feeling hopeless and wondering if we'll ever have him to a place of peace and being able to control himself. And selfishly I've wondered if I'll ever have a life that resembles normal at all! This chapter has been a very sweet reminder.
"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
Don't worry about anything, tell God what you need, thank Him, then you will experience His peace.
I will experience His peace, not because He will do everything exactly the way I ask Him to in my prayers. But the asking and then thanking reminds me of how He has already been faithful to me and that I can trust Him to continue to be faithful.
I want the peace of God to guard my heart and my mind. But I have to choose to lay down my anxiety and trust that He is good and able to care for me!
Then she said, "So does that mean that worrying is a sin?" That's when I stopped feeling so spiritual and realized that God had just used my 4 year old to point out my sin to me. I'm teaching a women's summer class and we're doing the book Respecatable Sins: Confronting the Sins we Tolerate. If you haven't read it, I strongly recommend it. But pull in your toes....he'll step all over them!
Today I'm reading about anxiety. Here I am, almost 20 years later, and I'm once again aware of my tendency to worry and my lack of trust in God to take care of me and the people I care about in every way.
God's timing is incredible. Michael is going through a very difficult time. Since school got out his behavioral issues have resurfaced and it seems that all of the progress he made this year has vanished. I have found myself feeling hopeless and wondering if we'll ever have him to a place of peace and being able to control himself. And selfishly I've wondered if I'll ever have a life that resembles normal at all! This chapter has been a very sweet reminder.
"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
Don't worry about anything, tell God what you need, thank Him, then you will experience His peace.
I will experience His peace, not because He will do everything exactly the way I ask Him to in my prayers. But the asking and then thanking reminds me of how He has already been faithful to me and that I can trust Him to continue to be faithful.
I want the peace of God to guard my heart and my mind. But I have to choose to lay down my anxiety and trust that He is good and able to care for me!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
My Portion
Is Jesus enough for me? Is HE my portion?
Psalm 142:5 says: "I cry to you, O Lord; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living."
The New Living Translation says it like this: "Then I pray to you, O Lord. I say, "You are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in life"
I have been searching my heart and asking myself that question, "Is he really what I want in life?" Or do I really want to be safe and healthy and secure and blessed? Is He my ticket to those things? Do I come before Him and try to do enough so that He'll do what I ask Him to do? Do I come before Him to beg Him to fix things or give me things? Or do I want HIM? Is He really enough for me?
Chris Tomlin sings:
All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need.
You satisfy me with Your love and all I have in You is more than enough
Is His love satisfying me? Is all I have in Him more than enough for me?
I'm praying for Him to fill me so full of Himself that He really is enough for me...all that I need...all that I long for and run after.....then my heart won't be troubled by what is happening to me or around me. My hope will be fully set on Him. My faith will not be shaken.
Take me there, Lord.
Psalm 142:5 says: "I cry to you, O Lord; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living."
The New Living Translation says it like this: "Then I pray to you, O Lord. I say, "You are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in life"
I have been searching my heart and asking myself that question, "Is he really what I want in life?" Or do I really want to be safe and healthy and secure and blessed? Is He my ticket to those things? Do I come before Him and try to do enough so that He'll do what I ask Him to do? Do I come before Him to beg Him to fix things or give me things? Or do I want HIM? Is He really enough for me?
Chris Tomlin sings:
All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need.
You satisfy me with Your love and all I have in You is more than enough
Is His love satisfying me? Is all I have in Him more than enough for me?
I'm praying for Him to fill me so full of Himself that He really is enough for me...all that I need...all that I long for and run after.....then my heart won't be troubled by what is happening to me or around me. My hope will be fully set on Him. My faith will not be shaken.
Take me there, Lord.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Another Mary: He Knew Her Name
One of the most touching words in the entire Bible to me is in the Easter story.
After Jesus was killed, Mary Magdalene (one whom Jesus had driven out 7 demons: Mark 16:9) went to the tomb. To say that Jesus had radically changed her life is surely an understatement. Can you imagine how she felt when He was killed, and all of her hope with Him. All she knew to do was to go to where He had been buried. I imagine she just needed to be close to Him.
She stood outside of his tomb crying when she realized that his body was not where it had been buried. Not only did she lose him, but she lost the ability to even grieve where his body had been laid. As she was crying, Jesus Himself came up and talked to her, but she didn't realize that it was Him.
She was carried away with grief, feeling hopeless and lost, until He said one word:
"Mary" John 20:16
When He said her name, she knew who He was, hope was restored and she ran to tell the disciples the very good news.
That one word changed everything for her; He called her by name. We can spend our lives knowing about Jesus, hearing about all He has done and all that He has done even for us. But life changes drastically when you hear Him call YOUR name.
As we live beyond Easter and the good news of "He is risen. He is alive." My prayer is that you would hear Him call you by name. I pray that, like Mary, you will experience all of the hope and life change that she did when she realized that He knew her and called her by name!
After Jesus was killed, Mary Magdalene (one whom Jesus had driven out 7 demons: Mark 16:9) went to the tomb. To say that Jesus had radically changed her life is surely an understatement. Can you imagine how she felt when He was killed, and all of her hope with Him. All she knew to do was to go to where He had been buried. I imagine she just needed to be close to Him.
She stood outside of his tomb crying when she realized that his body was not where it had been buried. Not only did she lose him, but she lost the ability to even grieve where his body had been laid. As she was crying, Jesus Himself came up and talked to her, but she didn't realize that it was Him.
She was carried away with grief, feeling hopeless and lost, until He said one word:
"Mary" John 20:16
When He said her name, she knew who He was, hope was restored and she ran to tell the disciples the very good news.
That one word changed everything for her; He called her by name. We can spend our lives knowing about Jesus, hearing about all He has done and all that He has done even for us. But life changes drastically when you hear Him call YOUR name.
As we live beyond Easter and the good news of "He is risen. He is alive." My prayer is that you would hear Him call you by name. I pray that, like Mary, you will experience all of the hope and life change that she did when she realized that He knew her and called her by name!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
So Great a Salvation
This week in a Lenten Reader that prepares us for Holy Week, I read this quote about Mary:
"Then there's Mary, standing there to the bitter end; the mother of God, who gave up her womb, her reputation and finally gives up the One for whom she gave it all."
She gives up the One for whom she gave it all. That hit me like a ton of bricks! So many times I feel like God has asked a lot of me, has put a lot on my plate. Somewhere in my subconscious I even start to believe that He owes me for what I have sacrificed or given. I forget about Mary, and Esther, and Moses, and David, and the ones that Hebrews 11 says:
"All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth." They each said yes to God's call on their lives to join Him in His bigger story and each paid a high price for it.
As I get ready to celebrate Easter, I cannot bypass Good Friday. I cannot forget that my freedom and my salvation came at a very high price.
"How shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation? This salvation, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard him." Hebrews 2:3
"It's crucial that we keep a firm grip on what we've heard so that we don't drift off. If the old message delivered by the angels was valid and nobody got away with anything, do you think we can risk neglecting this latest message, this magnificent salvation?" Hebrews 2:3 (The Message Translation)
I will probably never fully understand the price that Mary paid by saying yes to God when she was blessed and chosen to be part of His plan to save the world. I will never know how she felt at the foot of that cross as she "gave up" all that she "gave it all up for".
But I do know that I will never give to my Savior more than He has given me. He will never ask more of me than He gave for my freedom and salvation. I do not want to ignore so great a salvation or let my heart drift from remembering how costly this free gift really was.
He owes me nothing and has given me more than I could ever deserve: such a great and perfect salvation!
Happy Easter
Angela
"Then there's Mary, standing there to the bitter end; the mother of God, who gave up her womb, her reputation and finally gives up the One for whom she gave it all."
She gives up the One for whom she gave it all. That hit me like a ton of bricks! So many times I feel like God has asked a lot of me, has put a lot on my plate. Somewhere in my subconscious I even start to believe that He owes me for what I have sacrificed or given. I forget about Mary, and Esther, and Moses, and David, and the ones that Hebrews 11 says:
"All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth." They each said yes to God's call on their lives to join Him in His bigger story and each paid a high price for it.
As I get ready to celebrate Easter, I cannot bypass Good Friday. I cannot forget that my freedom and my salvation came at a very high price.
"How shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation? This salvation, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard him." Hebrews 2:3
"It's crucial that we keep a firm grip on what we've heard so that we don't drift off. If the old message delivered by the angels was valid and nobody got away with anything, do you think we can risk neglecting this latest message, this magnificent salvation?" Hebrews 2:3 (The Message Translation)
I will probably never fully understand the price that Mary paid by saying yes to God when she was blessed and chosen to be part of His plan to save the world. I will never know how she felt at the foot of that cross as she "gave up" all that she "gave it all up for".
But I do know that I will never give to my Savior more than He has given me. He will never ask more of me than He gave for my freedom and salvation. I do not want to ignore so great a salvation or let my heart drift from remembering how costly this free gift really was.
He owes me nothing and has given me more than I could ever deserve: such a great and perfect salvation!
Happy Easter
Angela
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