Fire

My amazing husband who stays in the fire with me!!

This is what he wrote about his word:

" God is like “a refiner and purifier of silver,” He puts his hands on us and “will purify and refine like gold and silver.”

The Lord is a “consuming fire.”He says that we are created, and formed, and redeemed and called by name, that we belong to Him. That the river waters will not sweep over us, that the flames will not burn us.

Yet he leads us into the fire.The heat is intense, sometim...es unbearable. In the fire I trust that God will do His work, and like metal glowing red from the fire, my heart will burn with passion and love and relent under His hammer, as He shapes me after His design.

We call on His name, and He answers. He says of us, “They are my people,” and we say, “The Lord is our God.”

It's enough!

It's very humbling when God speaks to me through my own mouth!!

We've had a very strange week! Michael stopped being able to swallow solid food about 2 weeks ago. Fortunately he can still hold down liquids, including Ensure! We've done all kinds of tests this week at the hospital and seen more doctors than I can count to figure out what's going on and don't yet have an answer. At the same time, he keeps falling through the cracks on services he should be receiving for speech and behavioral issues, so I've been trying to figure that out as well.

Yesterday I felt like I was at a breaking point and kept saying all day, "Lord, You know the answers and solutions! Please bring the right people and services and doctors and....." Somewhere in my fragile human heart there was this whisper.."Is He going to be faithful in this? Will He show us the way? Is it really up to me to figure this out? Am I crazy to bank on Him to provide what Michael needs?"

I took Michael to his physical therapy in the pool (his favorite place to be on this earth...in water!), and there was a mom of a precious 3 year old with Downs there who I know casually. We got to sit and chat for a few minutes as her son finished his therapy session.

She is just beginning the world of school and therapy and services, etc and was talking about how anxious she is about finding the right things for him and making good decisions for him. She expressed how responsible she feels to find what he needs and make sure he has every advantage to progress that's possible!

Then right out of my own mouth I said, "You know, we need to do all we can do for our boys. We need to look for the right things and knock on all the doors we know to knock on. But at the end of the day, we need to know that God is big enough and good enough to provide for ALL of their needs, and ours. When we lay our heads on the pillow at night, we need to be able to say, 'What You provided for my son today must be what he needed. It's enough. I trust You!' If He's not that big, then we need out. At that point we'll have to find another God to serve."

Then the Holy Spirit knocked on my 'prone to wander' heart and said, "Did you just hear yourself? Do you believe that?"

I had to sit on that thought for the rest of the day. And last night, when my head rested on my pillow I answered. "Yes. I choose to believe that. I don't see the evidence of it tonight, but I believe that You are faithful and are providing what my son needs and are good and see all that we are going through and care. What you provided for him today must be what he needed."

"Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.' So I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."
2 Corinthains 12:8-9

I'm grateful for a Savior whose grace really is all I need, and who is strong and who can channel HIS strength through me when I am weak!

It's enough!

Angela

HEARD

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:16-18

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Hebrews 12:2

My Michael keeps my eyes fixed on what I cannot see, keeps my heart focused on what is eternal, and keeps my hope in Jesus. He endured the cross; the pain of it and the shame of it...for the joy set before him. What joy could possibly sustain you as you hang on a cross? Could it be that WE are that joy...we, all of us, including me and my Michael? What He is able to offer us now was worth the cross?

If my hope and joy were in what is going to happen in this life, I would certainly lose heart. What a sweet gift my Michael is! Without him in my life, it's very possible that I would have my eyes and my heart set on what I can see and what I'm experiencing right here right now.

Of the grief we live with, not hearing Michael's voice and thoughts and dreams and even his pain and questions is at the top of the list.

Here's what I wrote about his word, "Heard" for the project:

"Michael has never spoken one word in his life. He knows what he wants to say and is often frustrated that he cannot express himself. We try our best to give him ways to express himself and to "hear" him. As his parents, we long to hear his wishes, his thoughts, his hopes and dreams. For now God has reserved that right for Himself. It gives us great comfort to know that his thoughts are heard and understood. It may not be on this side of heaven, but we look forward to the day when we will get to hear his precious voice for ourselves."

May you be filled with hope and joy as you fix your eyes on Jesus, who endured the cross to secure that hope and joy for you!

Pressing On
Angela

Sustained

We had the honor of being a part of a vision of an amazing young artist. It's a series of images inspired by Ash Wednesday. Ashes on the forehead is a symbol of repentance to God. She asked each person to choose a word that describes their walk with God in this season of their life and then asked them to write why they chose that word.

My word is "Sustained". Here is why:

"My life changed drastically when my 4th baby was born with a rare genetic syndrome that included autism and multiple handicaps. I trusted God with his life and our lives as best I knew how. For some reason I kept praying and waiting for life to get easier, for God to work miracles!

When Michael was 7, I ran across this verse: 'For forty years you sustained them in the desert; they lacked nothing, their clothes did not wear out nor did their feet become swollen." Nehemiah 9:21

We have seen miracles in Michael's life. But I realized that the greatest miracle of all is a God who sustains! He has not removed our problems but has graciously sustained us daily."

May you feel the miracle of the powerful hand that sustains you today!

Angela

Endless Search

Quote from Charles Stanley:

"God has created a place in each of our lives that only Jesus can fill, and until He is invited to fill that place, man searches for something that will satisfy his need for love, acceptance, and satisfaction. Mankind turns to what he can sense and know in the physical and natural realm, and his restless search is endless until he invites Jesus to fill his life"

Are you on an endless search? Do you know anyone who is on an endless search? What a sad place to be: on a search with no end, no fulfillment, no promise!

The search ends when you find what you have been searching for! You can rest assured that any person in your life who does not know Him is searching for Him whether they know it or not. They may look at your live and be skeptical and leary, but something deep inside of them hopes you're right. Every other thing they have tried to fill that space has left them empty and searching!

For those of us who have invited him in already, it is a daily conscious effort to keep him in his rightful place: on the throne of our hearts. Whenever I start to feel anxious and unsettled and unfulfilled, I know that I need to return to letting his presence fill my needs!

"For he himself is our peace" Ephesians 2;14

If you need peace, this is where it's found. Search no more.

If you have someone in your life who needs peace, tell them where it can be found so that their search is not endless!

Angela

Stand

We're doing a series of sermons right now at my church about being up against the wall. I don't feel it's an accident that I just wrote about that! So my ramblings about "the wall" continue". If you've ever been against one, you know exactly what I'm talking about!

The wall can look different for every person: addictions, loved ones being addicted, sickness, emotional or mental illness, financial hardship, relationships, children who make unwise decisions, difficult marriage....the list goes on and on.

As I listened to the sermon yesterday, I sat with my nose pressed against my own wall. Never since Michael was born have I fought hopelessness and helplessness regarding his well being and especially his future like I'm fighting it now.

For a couple of weeks I've been thinking on this passage about Eleazar, one of David's "mighty men":

"Then the men of Israel retreated, but he stood his ground and struck down the Philistines till his hand grew tired and froze to the sword. The Lord brought about a great victory that day."
2 Samuel 23:9-10

The phrase that keeps running through my mind is: "The Lord brought about a great victory that day."

Eleazar stood when others retreated, he was tired and his hand literally froze to his sword. But it was the Lord who brought the victory. It wasn't Eleazar's willpower or physical strength or genius warfare tactics or flawless decisions in the battle that made the difference that day.

For me this is encouraging. I too often think that the solutions I come up with will make the difference. I even look back and wonder what decisions I could have made differently that would have made the difference.

The truth is that we have a Savior who rescues us. He simply rescues us. He rescues when others have pushed us against a wall, when sickness or circumstances beyond our control have driven us there. He rescues even if we've done it all wrong, even if the wall we're against is of our own making!

When our strength is gone we can call out to Him and look to Him for widom and guidance and answers and even miracles!

I hope this is encouraging for you today if your nose is pressed again a wall. For some reason it must bring God glory for me to understand and live in this place. I can tell you with all confidence that God is faithful, He does bring victory.

But you may have to stand when others retreat and you may get tired and to the end of your strength and it may feel like you've got a sword frozen to your hand as you stand! And you just may have to cling to the hope that He is at work in ways you cannot see or imagine when all seems lost!

God is faithful.

May you have courage as you choose hope today!

Angela

Not Lovable

This morning I saw a story on the news about a gorgeous and successful actress who has been hospitalized for depression and anorexia. The news reporter was perplexed. How can someone who "has it all" fall into such despair?

What haunts me from that interview is this quote by the actress from a recent interview:

“I would say what scares me is that I’m going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I’m really not lovable, that I’m not worthy of being loved. That there’s something fundamentally wrong with me… that I wasn’t wanted here in the first place.”

That should seriously disturb those of us who are aware of the love of Christ for every person.

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow - not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below - indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:38-39

I wonder if there are people I pass everyday who feel the same way she does, who just don't know how immensely they are loved and wanted. Why do they feel separated from love? Is it because no one has told them? Is it because no one has shown them that they can be loved unconditionally just as they are?

I'm praying that this beautiful women will discover God's eternal love for her. But I'm also praying that I won't grow cold and unaware of desperate people who need a glimpse of a Christ whose love drove Him to give His very life for them.

I cannot become so content and comfortable in my own sense of God's love for ME that I forget that there are those who do not yet know. And most of them will never walk through the doors of the church, I will have to show them in their world, right where they are.

My son, Brian, recently said to me, "Mom, I don't think Jesus came all this way and went all the way to death so that we could be comfortable."

May we be uncomfortable as long as one person feels unlovable and unwanted!!

Angela