Allowed to Serve

A couple of weeks ago I came to the end of my rope!  Several things contributed, but the primary thing was trying so hard to figure out my Michael's needs.  We of course have on-going behavioral issues and are often changing up his meds. But added pressure has been from his platelets bouncing around and he had stopped eating and no one could figure out why.  When I forced him to eat, he would throw it all up.

I had spent the week contacting every doctor I could think of who might be able to figure this out.  We had done a swallow study and an upper GI test which all came out normal, and we had cleaned up puke all week and my house smelled terrible.  In addition, I couldn't help my boy feel better. 

We had just come from a therapy session in the pool (which is normally his favorite place on the planet) that had gone very badly!  I was embarrassed and frustrated and worn out and had a lot of questions for God that week.  I kept reminding Him of how much better we could all serve Him if He would just heal Michael or send answers that would settle things down.  I felt like I could get back to the important things if I could just get this stuff settled.

I sat on the stairs right below where Michael was sitting to put his brace on his foot.  I had his foot in my hand when I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to my heart, "One day, when you see things as they really are, you will thank me for allowing you to serve him."  I took his precious feet in my hands and kissed them and thanked God for choosing me to serve His special boy!  I'm so grateful He didn't give him to anyone else.

Perhaps God doesn't see a broken boy who is just lucky to have someone to take care of him.  Maybe, just maybe, He sees a giant spirit inside of a broken body that will not be broken one day!  For some reason I tend to think that a better investment of my time would be teaching or singing or doing something that makes an obvious big impact. 

What if, in God's eyes, cleaning up vomit, putting a brace on a crooked foot, holding a hurting or confused boy tight as he falls asleep, restraining him for hours when he's upset so he doesn't hurt himself, looking endlessly for what would bring him peace, and trying to put words to his thoughts and feelings is a higher call?  What if when I do that, it brings God more glory than I can imagine.  What if the change it makes in my spirit and heart cannot be measured?

"And the King will say, 'I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!'"  Matthew 25:40

"Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.  All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me (and my Michael) completely."  1 Corinthians 13:12

What a patient God I serve!  He pulled the veil back briefly and gave me a little clearer view for a split second.  And I am grateful.