Accepted

Have you ever been overwhelmed by the fact that we get to come into the presence of the God of all creation....just as we are?

We lived in France for 3 years before we found a school that would accept Michael. I'm talking about schools FOR handicapped children. They are full and getting a place for your child in one is next to impossible.

The process goes like this: a place comes open in a school, they let 3 or 4 children come in for a "3 day trial period", after the trial periods they choose which child gets the open spot. I can't remember how many "trials" we went through and were told each time that Michael had not been accepted. It was always for different reasons, all having to do with his disabilities: his behavioral issues, the fact that he was still in diapers, his inability to communicate, etc. I cannot tell you how painful that was each time it happened.

I began to despair and wondered why on earth God had called us there. At the beginning of our 4th year in France a school called with an opening and said they wanted to give Michael a 5 day trial to see if he could adjust. Everyday of that week I would walk him to the door with my heart pounding and resisting the urge to fall at their feet and beg them to accept and love my son just as he was, handicaps and all.

After I would drop him off I would go home, close my bedroom door and pray. I would ask, no I would beg, God to be with Michael, to give him favor, to help him cooperate. One morning I drove home angry with how wrong it was for a system to ask an already challenged child to prove himself before he was accepted. I closed my door that morning and expressed that to God, then I started in with...please give Michael favor today....

I was suddenly struck with the realization of what a miracle it is that I can come bravely before the throne of God....just as I am, handicaps and all....and I am completely and wholly accepted. I never have to fall at His feet and beg him to accept and love me. What Jesus did for me at the cross covers my sin and brokenness. I realized that my son compared to a "normal" child is nothing compared to the difference between me and the holiness of God. Why had I never realized how huge that is before.

What a privilege to have and to serve a God like that!