Fettered

Recently I was at a friend's wedding and right as the reception started I got a call from Michael's sitter telling me that he wasn't doing well.  So I promptly left the wedding and headed home...

In the car I had a major pity party and complaint session with God!  It went something like this:
"This is just not fair!!  I'm 52 years old and not even able to stay for 30 minutes at a reception.  And on top of that...I hate seeing my child hurt and the stress of trying to figure out what's wrong with him!  I've got no freedom..... THIS IS HARD!"   It wasn't pretty!

When I got quiet for a second I listened to the song that was playing on the radio and it was a new version of the old hymn 'Come Thou Fount'.  I heard the words I sang in church all of my growing up years:

"Let Thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, O take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above"

And the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart, "Michael keeps you fettered to Me."

And the pity party was over.  I know that I'll not understand all of the fruit of Michael's life on this side of heaven.  But God does allow me to see glimpses.....and one fruit is that caring for him binds this momma's prone to wander heart to her Savior! 

It's His goodness that allows things into our lives that keep us from wandering away from Him.  We might forget that we need Him and wander off into self sufficiency, disconnected from Him.

"I am the Lord your God, who rescued you from your slavery in Egypt.  You have no God but me, for there is no other savior.  I took care of you in the wilderness, in that dry and thirsty land.  But when you had eaten and were satisfied, then you became proud and forgot me." Hosea 13:4-6

So my car ride ended with "Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above... So do what you must so that this heart stays Yours, stays close and dependent on You for even my next breath!"  I want my heart to stay in that place....there is no other Savior.....no more pity parties!